Marriage is TUFF. We all know that. But these days, we’re seeing more women in their 40s and 50s taking the brave step of leaving their marriages. It’s a surprising shift, given that we often hear about couples struggling in the early years when they're juggling babies, careers, and a whirlwind of chaos. But what happens later? According to the Pew Research Center, divorce rates for people in their 40s have risen by *14% since 1990*, and women are often the ones making the call to end things. So, what’s behind this?
At TUFF Rings, we’re all about helping couples build strong, lasting relationships through small acts of love and connection. So why are so many women in midlife walking away? One reason is that they’re tired of carrying the mental load—running the household, raising kids, working full-time—and often doing it all without feeling appreciated. They’re asking, “Why should I stay married if I’m doing everything on my own anyway?” It’s a fair question and one that we need to explore.
Why Are Women Feeling This Way?
For many women in their 40s, life feels like a balancing act. They’re often in the thick of raising children, managing their careers, and trying to keep the household together. But this leaves little room for themselves. Research has shown that traditional marriages can hold an imbalance when it comes to mental load—women tend to take on the bulk of emotional and household labour. Over time, this creates feelings of resentment and emotional disconnection. Many men don’t even realize there’s an issue because they’re content with the way things are. But for women, the spark starts to fade.
And then there’s the influence of social circles. Studies suggest that divorce can be "contagious." If a friend divorces, it may make others feel like they have permission to re-evaluate their own marriages.
How to Make Marriage in Your 40s and 50s Fantastic
It doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. If both partners are willing to put in the effort, marriage can actually get better with time. Here’s how to keep things strong:
Share the Mental Load: If your wife feels like a maid or a mother figure, it's time to shake things up. Use tools like Fair Play cards (seriously, grab a set!) to visually divide the life chores. This will help balance responsibilities and reduce feelings of resentment. These cards often open up a whole other realisation about what actually happens in your marriage.
Carve Out Alone Time: Make sure you each get time to yourselves, whether that’s through a hobby, a weekend with friends, or just a quiet afternoon at home. Husbands, take charge! Make sure the kids, house, and everything else are under control so she can recharge without stress. Many women report it taking such an effort just to have a small amount of time to themselves, that it’s not worth it. Such a great opportunity for Men to jump in here and get bonus brownie points for ensuring its possible and happens.
Open Communication: Don’t wait until she’s ready to walk out the door to start talking. Set aside time to check in with each other regularly about what’s working and what’s not. If necessary, bring in a relationship coach or counsellor “before” things get bad.
At the end of the day, marriage takes effort from both sides. At TUFF Rings, we believe that wearing your wedding ring is more than just a symbol—it’s a daily reminder of the love, commitment, and connection you share. So, let’s keep working on it, one day at a time. After all, marriage is worth it.
If you or someone you know is struggling, here are some resources to reach out to in Australia:
Relationships Australia: https://www.relationships.org.au/
Beyond Blue: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/
